Fraying At the Edges

When an organ like the brain starts to go, it's not so dramatic or accessible to others as a cancer or a heart condition. It's more subtle, nuanced, more subjective. You feel like you are walking precariously near a precipice in the dark and are about to slip and plunge into a void of blank static, but no one knows. No one else can see the edge that you sense. Novelty becomes something to dread because it shoves you right up to that edge of not knowing, of just emptiness, confusion, and anxiety about not knowing what to do, how to proceed, especially when everyone else seems to be clear and confident and excited. Watching others soar at the prospect of learning makes you frustrated and angry. All you want to do is be left alone to contemplate your demise, to surrender to oblivion's cool embrace.