Beneath the Shadow of a Pandemic

We had planned this trip months before the virus became the central feature of our lives. It was a chance to connect with family seldom seen. As the trip date approached, fears of the epidemic simmered on the edges of our attention, but we opted to risk a visit to Los Angeles, to make the most of a spring break. 

Early one morning, we walked along the Seal Beach Pier as light rain fell. It was March, the first month of the exponential rise in cases of Covid19, the novel coronavirus, and the epidemic was there with us, in our talk, the way we kept our hands from the railing, the way we kept distance from other walkers, avoiding in particular those with a cough or hang-dog look of sickness. 

Rain had washed debris down from inland hills, and white plastic bags hovered below the surface of the water like jelly fish, like ghosts rising from the inky depths. A sign warned us not to eat fish caught from the pier because of contamination. Huge cargo ships squatted on the horizon waiting their turn to load or to drop their stacks of containers to be loaded again onto trains and shipped to the hungry consumers. 

We knew that over there, in the city, worry had reared its head, pushing people to grasp and hoard. Screens ran the real time numbers of increasing cases. We cited the numbers to each other, chapter and verse, puzzling at them for the meaning, trying to glean some insight or direction with no success. The human tribe was on the move. Shelves were empty, and lines were long as people hoarded goods for the coming quarantine. Air carried an electricity of fear born not knowing. A pall moved over the city, a shadow, of the bird of death, mortality, and chaos. Too many people. Too few cures. 

News was a barrage of announcements, each more inconceivable than the last: stock market imploding, mass sports events cancelled, schools suspended, travel restricted, space suddenly a precious commodity. The world had pivoted into a new and frightening dimension. And we were here, in one of the epicenters. New cases every newscast. Numbers, graphs, talking heads trying to find a way to name this new beast surrounded us like the rain. We were stuck for the time being with nowhere to run or hide. 

So we walked and took pictures and tried to see the beauty of the waves, the grace of a surfer gliding down the face of a weak breaker as the rain came down. What comfort we might find came from the company we kept, the gift of sharing a moment here strolling along the rain swept boards of the pier. The rhythm of the waves, the call of the hungry birds. 

Below us, fish swam unaware of the sickness spreading above them, the sickness that passed from gathering together, of being social animals. Up here, the hurts and wants of a life in progress rose to the surface where they manifested in tears or laughter.  This was a moment to reflect and to imagine what might be, how a past might be resolved or repeated. We each carried a past that colored our views of the future. No one was neutral in this heightened moment of opportunity shake loose and move. Some found comedy where others saw only tragedy. This was a reminder, a test of mettle, of what we have made of ourselves and each other. How we might move forward from here formed the question we strove to answer, to imagine.

I worried that the excesses of greed had left us unprepared for the coming need for common concern. The loaves and fishes would not be passed from hand to hand, but instead held close for fear of not enough. We would see. We would see. I hoped we might learn. I was as caught up the flow as anyone, and fate would do with me what it would. I could only see what was here in front of me, my vision blocked by a future too opaque for me to imagine. I had to think, or try to think, and to listen, and move, one foot in front of the other. It was time to break out of the shell of habit and to respond to this new thing, this new way of being and doing, and to compose a narrative big enough to embrace the possibilities it opened up.

We could see this as a calamity or a chance to coalesce as a society. We might find some strength in leaning toward a common good. This is a time needing massive cultural, social, and political shifts if we are to grow and survive as a species. The coronavirus might just be a chance to wake up to the power we gain from caring for each other.