Monday, January 27, 2014
The Never-Ending Benefits of Going for the Add Shot (Dedicated to the Folks at the Ancient Way)
"For an extra sixty cents you can add a shot of premium espresso -- fresh-ground, special roast, and pulled with real care," she said.
"And this will work better to wake me up, help me with my day?" I asked.
"Sure will. In fact you will get done today what you usually do in a week."
"Will I not get drowsy, even after writing twenty supervisory reports?"
"They will write themselves. All you have to do is think about recurring themes in poetry and how you might best put them into words that no editor could resist."
"And the papers I have to grade, what about them?"
"They will turn into hundred dollar bills that just keep multiplying."
"And the income disparity between teachers and higher ups... What about that?"
""They will see the value of your work and raise your wage, give you back pay, and then send you on a tour for your upcoming book. In fact all people who work for a living will receive fair pay and healthy working conditions. The more a person labors for the good, the more dignity she will have in the eyes of others."
"There is a bike race this weekend. I always come in last place."
"Get ready to fist-pump the sky, stand on the podium, and radiate physical prowess, the musk of success."
"But my dad has Parkinson's and my sons are worried about the world waiting for them after college."
"They will have cures and meaningful, rich lives -- full of satisfaction and love, maybe a Nobel Prize."
"What about the barrel bombs, drowning migrants, and the bullets flying over innocent kids caught in the crossfire?"
"Food, jobs, medicine, housing, and higher standards of living all are on the way."
"And the darkness at the end, where all is given up and I have to answer for all my petty ingratitude and self-destructive mistakes?"
"I've got connections and have already put in a word."
"Will I be free and full of joy for the rest of my days?"
"Cross my heart."