Friday, December 2, 2016

Thoughts on a Dying Father


I won't whitewash it. He was a hard father to have in many ways, and we clashed. Sparks flew. We threw punches at each other more than once. He had his hands full with me, and I simmered with rage at him for years. Spit and polish did their best to keep war demons at bay. He was rigid in his rules and harsh with consequences. One time I defied his order that I wash the car. He shaved my head. I was in seventh grade. Everybody had long hair. My girlfriend dumped me. He was also generous to a fault and loving beyond measure. His best friend was a black officer in the sixties. He loved children. He loved to sing. He loved sex and was married twice, six kids of his own and four step children. His biceps were as big as a tree branch. He let me use his credit card when my car broke down in a Montana blizzard. He drove two and a half thousand miles to nurse me when I was crippled and poisoned after a snakebite. He wanted me to be more like him. I am trying.

9 comments:

  1. I have a feeling he also wanted to be more like you. Peace to your dad as he leaves this world, peace to you as you go through this enormous transition.

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  2. Erec...He was blessed to bring you to Earth...and you are there to let him continue the eternal path.

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    1. Gracias Rebecca. The mysteries are close right now, the veil thin. I wish him well.

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  3. Much love to you, my friend.

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  4. Erec -- I'm glad I met and spent a little time with your dad back around 1990 in Colorado. I appreciate your sharing your truth -- the early struggles and your more recent connections, acknowledgment and love. I wish you well as you experience his dying.

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  5. So much love dealt and received in so many different ways. I'm so happy you see through this lens before his passing.

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    1. Thank you dear Mischala. I know you know the depth of love between a parent and child. Losing the living body does not mean the love is lost. In some ways it may even be strengthened through grief,surrender, and, ultimately, peace. In gratitude - Erec

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  6. Sending loving thoughts your way. We love you.

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    1. Back at you, sweet sister. You have given so much to my father, have been a good friend to both of us. We grieve together.

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