Restitution

I got a letter from the Santa Cruz County Attorney. It told me that I was entitled to restitution from the theft of the truck. All I have to do is fill out the form listing all the stuff lost when the suspects stole the truck.

Well, friends, the list is long. There is the tangible stuff, like the bike, shoes, helmet, glasses, pump, tools, etc. But the real loss is time I've spent guessing where the truck went, who took it, why, and what they were going to do with it and all the stuff in it.

So, here is my list of things I want back:

1.) Three nights of sleep. I spent these nights figuring out how to deal with the insurance company, the police, the tow company, the shop that would fix the truck, the victim's rights paperwork, and desire for an oil change.

2.) A week of mornings. I lost these because I was angry, really angry, righteously pissed off angry at the little things like the keys to locks, post office box, bottle opener, sunglasses, and stuff stored behind the seats. Every time I needed one of these things and realized that it had been taken with the truck, I saw red and became someone I didn't want to be.

3.) Resistance to stereotypes. Yes, the truck went to Nogales and was stolen by two gang-banger Latinos. When I say this, I watch the knowing nods and leaps to understanding: border, crime, drugs, Mexican immigration, poverty, danger, the need for security and gated communities, like prisons.

4.) Not feeling violated, victimized, or helpless. Well, vigilance is the key state these days. I lock things up and look over my shoulder.

5.) Desire for revenge. I want to mess these guys up, bust 'em, send 'em to the joint, even though I'm "opposed" to sending perps like these guys to prison.

Overall, I want to return to my simpler world where crime wasn't so close and personal. I have to confess that I am in conflict with my philosophy, and justified in being so.

I want to return to my convictions in spite of the slide into fear and stereotypes. I want these guys to restore my faith. Maybe I'll ask for restitution, only to give it back with the condition they use it for education or building some other life.

Hopelessly idealistic: That's what I want.

I'll put it on my list.