You Have to Wonder

It's not just about merit. Definitely not about merit. Politics and membership have more to do with it. Some get let through the fence keeping them down and out while others, no matter what they do, get blocked again and again. I happen to be one of those who didn't make it for some reason. Sure, I had an OK run at some small successes, but they were all pretty bush-league. It could have something to do with the MFA Mafia. That's a tight-knit tribe that watches the score closely and takes you out if they don't like you. Or it could be fashion. I just didn't make the right moves at the right time. Or it could be work. Honestly I didn't work as hard I as I could have. Part of that was due to fear, and the belief that I didn't deserve success. Whatever it was, the game is over and I lost. That's a hard pill to swallow. I don't feel so bad for me -- my ego -- but I do feel some shame for not having given light to the gifts burning inside me. That one stings.