On Being Seen

With Valentine's Day around the corner, it's time to mull over the chaos of love. For most of my long years, I have thought that love grew only out of desire for the other, out of heat, lust, craving for possession of my idea, what I wanted of the beloved. Of course, one cannot understate the chemical power of oxytocin, dopamine, and other love-based intoxicants, and the pairing of that with pursuit of "the one," but that wild flush may also come from another, less obvious source. So, I tip my hat in the direction of the chase, and point to another, heretofore little considered theory: that love may not come so much from desire as the rush of being seen by a fellow hottie. We are legion in terms of what we project out from ourselves to the world. Yet, there is often a version of ourselves trying to be expressed that, sometimes, gets stifled. Part of getting it out there is having it reflected back to us from someone we love. That crazy, multi-faceted, polka-dotted, sometimes scary-vulnerable soul of a lost marvel wakes up when someone points in your direction and says, with real certainty, real affection, not just "I want you," but also "I see you." If that doesn't bring you to your knees, knock your socks off, send you into flights of bliss, give you some of the courage to get up and embrace your most secret of dreams, then wooden nickels will buy you hot espresso.